When you see a larger woman, do you assume she doesn't have discipline or self control? When someone loses weight, do you automatically think they’re healthier? And when you gain weight yourself, do you feel like you’ve been bad?
These assumptions are soooo common in our society that we can make them without even noticing. I can almost swear that we all have been participants of those judgments at some level, including those of us who know what it’s like to be judged for our weight. So how did we end up here?
I’ve been reading Sabrina Strings’
Fearing the Black Body
, and what surprised me is how much of this started before the health advice we hear today. During slavery, racists ideas portrayed Black women as people who ate too much and couldn’t control their appetites. At the same time, Protestant beliefs taught that controlling how much you ate showed good character. Over time, being thin became part of being seen as a “proper” white woman in the young United States of America, which (kind of like a teenage) was still trying to create an identity. And so yes! these judgments about bodies were already around before doctors made excess body fat a major health concern.
Then more immigrants started arriving in the US, including from Ireland, and body size became another way to look down on people. Wealthy white Americans tend to be slender to set themselves apart, almost like saying, “We’re not like those women.” It was about class and who counted as the "right" kind of American, too. Some women were trying so hard to stay thin that they kept doing it even when doctors said they weren’t eating enough, so doctors like John Harvey Kellogg (yes, the well known cereal brand) were telling women they were too thin and needed better nourishment. But alongside those "health concerns", people were worrying that American women were becoming too frail to being able to reproduce healthy Americans (the new generations). That conversation carried racist beliefs about who should have children and shape the country’s future. Now, imagine having your body judged that way, as though its size said something about the future of an entire nation!!! (This is something we nowadays we see: be thin, but not too thin, be strong, but don’t look too muscular. There’s always someone telling us we’ve gone too far or haven’t done enough).
And here’s a fun fact: some of the “ideal weight” charts used in healthcare actually came from life insurance companies. They compared policyholders’ weight with death rates to estimate insurance risk. Those charts later became common references in medicine, helping interpret what people were told they should weigh.
Yes, weight can be connected to health risks. But correlation doesn’t automatically mean causation. Two things showing up together doesn’t, by itself, prove one caused the other. And statistics about a group can’t tell us everything about one woman’s health. Even BMI needs to be considered alongside other information. We now also know about the obesity paradox!!!
So medical advice developed alongside beliefs that were already attached to bodies. Today, we can think we’re simply talking about health without noticing the judgment that conversation carries.
I’m a coach and a pro bikini athlete. I love building muscle and helping women change their bodies when that’s what they want. I’ve also lived in a larger body and becoming an IFBB Pro gave me an achievement I’m proud of, but it didn’t make me a better person.
Wanting to lose weight is a personal decision, and you’re allowed to want that. I just don’t want you to feel that your current body is proof you’ve failed. Maybe you’re barely sleeping, going through hormonal changes, or taking care of everyone but yourself. Calling that “letting yourself go” doesn’t help us understand what you need.
“Not Personal, Structural.” The shame can feel very personal, but we didn’t invent these beliefs ourselves. It is part of the structure in which we live in.
If you’re tired of looking at yourself this way, book a call with me here:
. I can’t promise we’ll escape this culture, we live in it. But we can talk about what you believe about your body, what you want to change, and how to care for yourself through it. I’d love to help you work toward your goals with less judgment, and make your body feel like home again. And if you want to connect with other women experiencing this fatphobia, join our free Facebook group:
For this week’s Sunday Reset:
Reflection: What do you assume about someone because of their weight, including yourself?
Practical step: Catch one of those assumptions this week and ask, “What do I actually know about this person?”
Pay attention to: Whether your concern about your body is coming from something you’re experiencing, or something you’ve been taught you should feel ashamed of.
With love,
